Saturday, July 16, 2011

Really Big Love

It's about taking your daughter to Disneyland and letting it be about her, and about her and her dad (no matter how much it hurt me), and about her and her sister.. and not about me.

It's about doing what I have to do to stay healthy, even if it doesn't make me look like the "perfect" I'd like to be. That's a really big love, for me, and for my kids.

It's about letting yourself fall again, for the hundredth time, even though nothing is certain and little is likely, because some love is so big that you don't get to go around or get over it.. you just get in and go through it, and sometimes there's no end, because love is an infinite thing. Infinite, but ever-changing, and when you can change and evolve and still love someone bigger every day as they change and evolve too...

Regardless of what happens on the journey, that's a beautiful thing.

My love is huge-mongous. For my kids, for my friends, for HIM, and .. for me.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Briefly (maybe..), about Blindness, "Justice", and Healing..

All this talk about the Casey Anthony trial has me sitting at the computer in a bit of awe over how passionate people are about "bringing people to justice" for their crimes.

I understand the reason and place for putting someone away in prison, that they may not cause more harm than already done.

I do not understand this eye-for-an-eye concept. "An eye for an eye makes the world go blind", does it not? Thank you Gandhi.

I don't necessarily believe in A God. I'm agnostic. I believe in god-like, and goddess-like ascended beings. I think there are lots of those. I KNOW that when we pass on after this life we go on to a place where we are welcomed with loving arms, and helped to heal any wounds we may have left over. I know that we get a lot of really cool retrospection, which as we all know, is a superior teacher.
Best of all, we get peace. Unless we didn't learn the lessons we needed to learn. And then we get to try again.
So, all of that is pretty cool, I think.

And for a kid who was murdered by her mother (saying she was -- I don't know, and have no opinion on it) or anyone else... the kid is absolutely innocent. Even the worst of criminals are only held down in their own hells by their OWN guilt and their OWN inability to take the lesson, learn from it, and yes, "atone", in our own ways. Nobody does it to us. We do it. We have to. You can kill a murderer, but it won't make them a better person, and it wont' change what happened. And guess what? it won't create justice, either. It just creates more violence, bad energy. Pain.

(if you read WAAAAY back in the beginning of my blog, I talk about a past life regression in which I got to forgive a father from another life for his crimes against me... trust me, he was in hell all this time, and I wasn't. And it was a beautiful thing to help set him free from that.. He was holding himself down, nobody else..)

So.. all those loving people on a higher vibration (or, God, if you believe that, or Jesus, or Heavenly Father..) who are there to guide us along.. do you think they're going to take this little girl and say "hey, we're not going to help you be at peace or go on with your journey until your mom is brutally punished, made to feel pain beyond belief, or murdered, herself?" No, they are there waiting to lovingly heal and help her along. Both of them, actually.
I bet that little girl LOVES her mom, regardless, because that's how little kids are.
I bet she wants her to heal. Only through healing will this kind of cycle of crime STOP.


I'm just gonna let you think about that one for a while.

And then let's move on to the mom.
Let's say she's messed up enough (if she did this) that she's not feeling guilt or pain over it right now.
Do we know her whole story? Do we know what she's been through? No..
we do know that what she allegedly did is absolutely horrifying. Absolutely. And definitely wrong... definitely. Taking away someone's choice to live this life? Horrible.. right?


But eventually, she is going to learn the lessons she needs to learn. Whether it's right now, or after she dies a natural death, or some point down the road in this life she may realize what she's done and try to end her pain by taking her own life, but that's not going to work either..
cause she's got a big lesson to learn. Which makes her no less or more than any of us.. she's just a little further behind on the learning curve.

I know it sounds like I'm trivializing something horrible. I'm not.
But until we learn to look at each person from a place of complete love and compassion, and that includes murderers, rapists, abusers, etc... we have not learned our lesson either.

Hell is our own self-inflicted state of being, and we will all go there at some point, for some reason. Sometimes more than once. And we will never stop going there until we are living from a place of complete love and compassion for ourSELVES and all others.

Let Caylee be at peace. Know that she is, and be at peace with that yourself. If your goal is to go make someone else feel pain because they made someone feel pain, nobody's going to be very happy in the end. Least of all you.
Let it go, let "God". Hug your own babies and be glad you aren't Casey Anthony. Begin a cycle of healing instead of continuing a cycle of pain. Take one more little step toward living from your heart and loving all you come into contact with.

Make peace. Be peace.