My friend Stephanie told me today... to redefine my happy.
At first I was a little frustrated - I had sent a text asking for help having strength in not contacting someone. Frankly, I wanted someone to tell me it was okay. But it's not, and everyone was really helpful.
But every since I received THAT text, it's all I can think about.
How many things in life do we have control over, and how many do we not?
One thing that we have absolute control over is our thoughts, which are what define our feelings, though sometimes our feelings seem uncontrollable.
Situations.. sometimes we can't change them. Some things are out of our control. What we think about our situations? It may take some practice.. and I need a LOT of practice, but I do believe that we can completely change our view of something in such a way that we can, in fact, ReDefine our Happiness.
What makes you happy?
Rather than sitting and yearning for a happy memory that I can't have a repeat of (and technically doesn't exist, because this is now, not THEN), why not do something else that makes me really happy? Instead of trying to fill the void of DAN with.. DAN... since doing so would end up causing me more pain and would be turning around on my path and pausing or completely destroying my progress... Can I fill it with.. Zumba? Singing? Playing with my children? Doing readings for people? Reading a book?
Doing something nice for someone else?
My heart is telling me right now, "that's not the SAME as laying in bed with him, your head on his chest, his fingers in your hair. It won't produce the same happy."
But maybe it can. Maybe it can be enough. And maybe I need to look at the long-term effects of the things that make me "happy" and choose only those things that continually cause it, rather than a short high and a very long low..?