What I Learned In Therapy (Today)

I'm lonely.

I use sex (or other favors -- buying alcohol, gifts, whatever) to lure people to me and falsely abate that loneliness.

This has resulted in.. worsened self-esteem, more loneliness, and more pain than I ever imagined.
This has resulted in me being more alone than ever in my life, alienating people, 12 miscarriages and 2 (amazing, beautiful, brilliant) children (that I would never give back), one of whom doesn't even HAVE a father. THAT man started my belief that sex was the only way I would ever keep a man around.
Every man since then has only heightened and affirmed that belief.

I'm pissed at you guys.
You should be ashamed of yourselves.

I'm pissed at me, too. This vagina is closed for business.

This post is waaaaay off the path of what I wanted this blog to be, and I just revealed way more about me than I ever wanted anyone to know. But you know what?

Honesty is MY policy and it always will be. I have to be honest with MYSELF, first and foremost. That is the most important thing. But honesty with others is the truest kindness.. honesty about your SELF.. because only then can we find true understanding and empathy..
and

love.